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How the Pandemic Brings Out People’s True Colours

Which Type are You?

©Jan Andersen 2020

The Greek philosopher Epictetus said, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” This is certainly true with the current Covid-19 pandemic. It is a real test of the human psyche and has brought out people’s true colours; they either launch themselves into helping mode, or focus only on self-preservation.

I have created several broad types below, under which there will be sub-categories, but in this instance, I have just focused on the main categories.

The Blamers

The Blamer blames everything and everyone (except themselves) for everything that happens in their lives, including Covid-19. Putin, for example, will be pointing fingers at Trump, and vice versa. The latter two also fall beneath the Narcissist category.

Recently, an uneducated individual posted a diatribe on LinkedIn, in response to the news that a major oil and gas company was donating $2 to WHO’s Covid-19 pandemic response fund. This company has been investing billions in the renewable energy business for more than 20 years. This jumped up little oik blamed the oil and gas industry for the Covid-19 pandemic. I assume that this person has never used, worn or needed any object made from hydrocarbons, including a pacemaker, MRI machine or other vital hospital equipment that is used to save people’s lives. I presume he has never driven a car, nor needed an ambulance, nor smoked, nor worn glasses, or a hearing aid, nor benefited from any of the other 6000+ everyday items made from hydrocarbons.

The fact that this f***wit was using an electronic device to post his vitriolic comment on the internet, means that he is a hypocrite. Unless he can come up with a workable solution, or do something really useful like litter-picking, then he should shut the fuck up and go and knit himself some hemp underpants.

The Helpers

There is not much to say about the helpers, except that they restore people’s faith in humanity. They are lovely, lovely people who go out of the way to ensure that the needs of their friends, family, neighbours – and even strangers – are met. They work autonomously or with others, spreading compassion and acknowledging that other people’s requirements are just as important as their own. They are selfless, caring, and offer assistance unconditionally; they do not expect anything in return. Were it not for the helpers, society would collapse. I love you all so much.

The Hoarders

We’ve all seen the hoarders; the selfish bastards who don’t care about anyone else except themselves. They pile their supermarket trollies high with multiples of everything, even if it means grabbing the last four packets of toilet rolls, and then refusing to share a pack with anyone else – not even the elderly lady, the mother with several young children, or the disabled person in a wheelchair. No, they are only out for themselves; fuck everyone else. They often move around from store to store, grabbing what they can and being in complete self-preservation mode, and woe betide anyone who gets in their way or confronts them; they are likely to be on the receiving end of a tirade of abuse, or even a physical attack.

Our neighbour, who works in a well-known supermarket, said that one customer – who was told that he could only buy three packets of biscuits instead of four – kicked off and became verbally and physically aggressive. She said that the police had been called on numerous occasions. Even staff had been assaulted. There are no words available in the English language to truly describe these uncivilised, greedy, morally subnormal f***heads. Now, I am the last person to ever cast aspersions on someone because of their weight, but you can guarantee that the aforementioned guy could probably have gone without food for two months and still survived.

The hoarders are the ones who create food and essential item shortages, but what do they care? They have everything they need. They can sit comfortably at home, stuffing their faces with crisps and pies, watching some shitty soap and then having a mammoth shit as an excuse to use some of the 200 toilet rolls they’ve stockpiled.

The Hypochondriacs

Hypochondriacs started panicking about Covid-19 when it was still contained within China. Now that it has reached the UK, they compulsively check updates and statistics and, if they get the slightest tickle in their throats, they think they have it.  Despite this, some hypochondriacs will insist on seeing other family members and moaning incessantly about the outbreak, then complaining that they are sure they have caught it. In the meantime, if they do have it, they have essentially passed it on to hundreds of other people.  They’re always consulting Dr Google and the diagnosis is always a terminal illness. Their doctors are constantly writing out prescriptions for Getthefuckoveritamol.

The Complacent

The complacent change practically nothing in their daily routines, as they don’t believe that they will ever catch Covid-19, nor that their behaviour will put others at risk. These people will have a good root around inside their nostrils whilst driving to the supermarket, then (without washing their hands) will proceed to place their grubby little mitts everywhere. They cough into their hands, instead of their elbows, then thoughtfully transmit their germs onto everything they touch. These people deserve to get really sick.

The Self-Pity City Brigade

These bleaters are unable to see the positive side of any situation, and in the current pandemic believe that their world (or their faces) will fall apart if they can’t get their nails/hair/botox/dermal fillers done. You will hear them say countless times a day, “What am I doing to do without...?”, “How will I cope without...?”, “Life is so shit”, “Why is this happening to me?” These people grumble if they are no longer able to find junk food or meat in the supermarket. I mean, how on earth will they manage to survive without pizza, dead animals and chips? Suck it up, whingers, or learn to cook meat-free meals. There’s this blinding invention called the internet where you can, believe it or not, find recipes. Stop bitching and moaning, and get on with it; everyone’s in a similar position.

The Narcissists

Narcissists believe that the world revolves around them and they love being the centre of attention. They have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, entitlement and a complete lack of empathy. They are, however, excellent at feigning compassion, even though they couldn’t give a toss. They often enjoy violating rules, so any government instruction to self-isolate is likely to be ignored by these highly unpleasant, arrogant, gaslighting turds.

The Know-it-Alls

These greatly despised braggarts disseminate information that is often inaccurate. They read articles on fake news’ sites, or in the gutter press, which usually contain a raft of lies. They don’t like anyone knowing something that they don’t, and they will be inclined to disagree with everything you say. After all, they believe that their knowledge surpasses that of all others. These smart alecks will probably be responsible for a lot of deaths as a result of their advice.

The Complete F***tards

This category includes all the arseholes of the world who carry on committing heinous crimes, including drug dealers, fly-tippers, litter bugs and the hoarders. Then there are the youths with the crotch of their jeans between their legs, a baseball cap on back to front (goodness knows why), sitting in their modified Fiat Punto in a country lay-by, inhaling whipped cream chargers, talking like gangstas, and chucking their beer cans and crisp packets out of the window. Oh, and not forgetting the numptyf*** who drank fish tank cleaner to fight Covid-19. Naturally, he died.

There are many more categories that I could add, but since we live in a ridiculously politically correct world, there is always someone waiting to be offended. And, hopefully, some of them will be hugely offended by this article. These aren't just my opinions, but those of many friends with whom I've communicated. I simply have the courage to put it on the internet. Talking of equality for all, I don’t identify with Covid-19.